Torn Between Two Flags
Artwork by Jazzlee Cerritos
For many first-generation Americans, identity does not feel clear or simple. Indeed, the term identity in many fields, including political science, is epistemologically debated and scholars struggle to pick one sole definition. When it comes to defining one’s culture, identity feels complicated, layered, and confusing. We are often caught between either honoring our roots or fully integrating into the only country we have ever called home. And while these moments of conflict can come unexpectedly, it is in them that we come closer to finding out who we are. Ultimately, one’s identity is not about choosing a culture over another. Instead, it is about learning to love and be proud of both. It means understanding that both cultures can co-exist.
I first learned that identity was not a fixed concept when I was six years old and attended my first professional soccer game. Thrilled to see the El Salvador team face off against the U.S., I vividly remember entering the stadium with shivers down my spine. I was overwhelmed by the smell of funnel cakes and the deafening roar of the crowd. Half of me was exhilarated to be at such an event, but the other half of me was only filled with conflict. Should I be supporting the United States or El Salvador?
Standing in the bustling crowd, I was dumbfounded. While my parents immigrated from El Salvador, I was born in the United States. At home, I was a Salvadoran who spoke Spanish with my family, listened to Latin music while cleaning, and ate Salvadoran food. However, as soon as I stepped out of my house, my world changed as I struggled to speak English, listened to American music, and ate unfamiliar food at school. I felt like an outsider trying to fit in with my white American peers. So, as I was watching the game at the stadium, I felt my two worlds collide. In front of me, there was only pride in wearing red, white, and blue, but beside me was strictly blue and white. How were people so sure of where they belonged?
I was torn between the loyalty I should have for where I was born and the roots, the motherland, of my family.
As first-generation students, it may often feel as though we are “too American” for Latinos and “too Latino” for Americans. This assumption and standard perpetuates the idea that one ought to be proud of one culture — that one belongs to one culture. Yet we do not have to feel one side or the other. Instead, we can embrace both cultures fully. There is a special pride to come from this, and being able to tie yourself to multiple cultures is a strength, not a weakness. No one should make us feel as though we do not belong in a place built for our success. In a nation known for being a melting pot, we are the fire that fuels it. Unfortunately, I did not realize this until I was older.
This realization did not come easy. Even as a six-year-old, going outside meant hiding the reality I had at home–whether it meant explaining where El Salvador was on a map or defending it against stereotypes of poverty and instability. I was ashamed of my roots and it wasn’t until after travelling to El Salvador, that my perspective shifted. The news was right, El Salvador was not the wealthiest country, but there was a whole side of El Salvador that never made the headlines. It was filled with flourishing green mountains and heavenly beaches that left me in awe. American society had granted me the preconception that all of El Salvador was poor and unhappy. Yet, this was not the case at all. When I visited, people were happy despite their circumstances. In all, seeing the reality of El Salvador made me feel at home.
Connecting with my familial culture made me realize how proud I am to be Salvadoran. However, I also know that I am American. I can be both proudly Salvadoran and proudly American. Today, even though diversity is celebrated, first-generation Americans can feel stuck in the middle. They are expected to represent their heritage without truly understanding their mix of identities. For first-generation Americans to figure out their identity, they need to fully integrate themselves into where they come from and where they reside. Schools should emphasize that there is not just one narrative about any nation. To fully understand a place, one needs to immerse themselves in its culture, location, and politics. Then, students will be able to speak out proudly about their roots. Ultimately, there needs to be a collective effort to make first-generation Americans aware that they do not have to pick one identity over another.
Neither the United States nor El Salvador ended up winning the soccer game. And that’s okay because I cheer for both teams.
Jazzlee Cerritos (CC ‘28) is a Staff Writer for the Hispanic Pre-Law Review from Murfreesboro, TN. She is studying Political Science and Sociology and is interested in immigration law, education, and social advocacy.
Edited by Steven Antonio Fernandez (CC’27)